The Gift that Keeps on Giving [Update]

«Strength means blessed with an enemy»

I received the dreaded letter on the 22nd of March - the refusal. Sweden couldn't assign me with a personnummer because I hadn't been able to get my S1 form or show any "reliable proof" of my health insurance cover within the EU. It seemed like it was over... After a two-month wait, I felt ready to accept defeat. There was no way for me to get my hands on that form, which was the only thing that was missing. 

I was shocked when I received the news. Part of me had always known that it was an option, but had never really prepared for that possibility to happen. I was (still am) mad, frustrated, scared. What did this mean for me? Would I have to give up and leave behind the idea of living in Sweden? And what would happen to my relationship, my boyfriend currently dealing with a particularly fragile mental state, unable to move anywhere with me? My mind flooded with questions and I decidedly wanted to roll into a ball and cry. But I think anger won and took over: I felt defiant. All I was trying to do was live a peaceful existence, improve my language skills so I could eventually get my license as a psychologist (which is hopefully helpful to society) and get by, but somehow Sweden's authorities were getting in my way. It was like they were purposefully making my life harder than it had to be, me who just wanted a chance. Me, who wasn't doing anything wrong or illegal, who just wanted the opportunity to move here, work here, get along. Was that too much to ask?

So suddenly, it became our mission to fight it. Fight this impossible system and win. We drew our weapons and marched forward against this army of ridiculous rules that didn't make sense. We wouldn't stand for it. After searching for answers online, we came up with a few solutions and decided to try them all, just in case. I was done taking the chance of waiting to see if it all worked out, I had lost my faith in the authorities, so I was prepared to take care of anything that I possibly could with my own hands.

Solution number one (which was suggested in the letter I received): applying to a different agency called Migrationsverket to get a residence permit as someone who plans to (or is currently) living with their partner. This way, I will automatically be covered by his health insurance and can try my luck again with the personnummer application. Solution number two (also known as the backup plan in case the system fails us again): get a job, any job, as fast as possible. This would make me automatically eligible for a personnummer and basically solve all my problems. I would get income, I'd have something to do every day to keep me busy and I would finally reach the pot of gold on the other side of this shitty bureaucracy rainbow. Which would also lead me to finally being able to sign up for swedish lessons. I guess in bowling you'd call this a big fat strike? I would anyway...

Yesterday we drove around town delivering my cv in a few hotels that might hire me, even if I don't speak Swedish yet. I'm aware that I will only qualify for jobs related to cleaning or handling food, since I don't know the language and therefore can't interact with customers in their native tongue. I just finished my masters degree in Psychology, obviously I'd much prefer to start working in the field, but sadly I need language skills for that, so for now I'm happy to get any unqualified job in order to get ahead. It would be a tremendous help during this moment of my life that feels a lot like a stand-still.

More than anything, I'm determined not to let them beat me. I refuse to let them break me and take away all the envisioned possibilities and hopes I had for my future. Not like this. So I will fight, until I no longer have to. Let the best man win...